Inclusion & Belonging

This week marks the intersection of Non-Binary Visibility Week¹ and Disability Pride Month. As a member of both the enby and disabled communities, I want to honor this occasion by talking about inclusion and belonging -- particularly how you can ensure your actions don't accidentally exclude someone with an invisible identity.

Invisible Marginalization

My disability falls into the category of "invisible", meaning that someone can't immediately perceive it from looking at me. And while I try to be as blatantly androgynous as possible, there's an accepted fluidity in fashion and personal presentation extended to enbies who are assigned female at birth (AFAB) than those who are AMAB -- that also means I'm sometimes perceived as being within the gender binary instead of outside of it.

The fact that my gender identity and disability status are not immediately perceivable is itself a privilege; if at any point I don't feel safe disclosing either, I can trust that they won't immediately be assumed by my appearance. This is a very different lived experience than folks who have visible aspects of a disability (e.g. folks who use a mobility aide such as a wheelchair). I'm also white, so I don't have to contend with the interplay of biases that BIPOC disabled and non-binary folks face.

I'll be focusing on the invisible side of inclusion below, but I strongly recommend exploring (and donating to) the Disability Visibility Project to better understand the challenges faced by other folks in the disabled community, and how you can demonstrate your allyship and advocacy.

Inclusion: The Basics

You have probably heard of inclusion within the larger organizational strategy around building diverse, equitable, and inclusive teams (commonly abbreviated to DEI). Diverse, equitable, and inclusive teams are provably more successful, and many organizations now look for leaders who have experience building teams that succeed because of their different perspectives.

That leads to a common question and answer pair in interviews that goes like this:

Interviewer: How have you ensured your team is inclusive?

Candidate: I try to make sure everyone's voice is heard. If someone isn't contributing to the conversation, I call on them directly, or talk to them after the meeting. I make it clear that anyone can speak up.

These aren't the wrong practices to build inclusion, but they're the first steps in a long journey.² Listening to all members of your team is a prerequisite to getting deep in the weeds of building a team where every individual can thrive. This is a common enough challenge that many advocates of DEI have proposed explicitly recognizing "belonging" as a part of DEI (which then becomes DEIB).

That being said, I've been on the candidate side of this question, and my answer wasn't any less surface level than the example above. I've used many other techniques to create an inclusive and psychologically safe team, but because inclusion is so individualized, it's hard to point to patterns of practices that you've put into place. There's a lot of personalized approaches for every member of your team, and a lot of learning from the mistakes you make along the way.

Creating Belonging & Avoiding Exclusion

I tend to think of inclusion more as actively avoiding exclusion, in part because of the excellent book Subtle Acts of Exclusion. I consider belonging and inclusion as two sides of the same coin -- you can't belong on a team where your voice is not included, and you can't be truly included if you don't feel safe being yourself at work.

I want to start with considering a few of scenarios. Who can you imagine being excluded from these situations? What would you do to change that? ³

1. Your team launched a big initiative, and to celebrate, the company sent everyone a bottle of champagne.

2. A project is delayed, and the team needs to pull a late evening to be able to get it back on track.

3. Your organization has opted to participate in a charity walk / run for a cause near-and-dear to the organization's mission; everyone on the team is invited.

Assume you don't know everything. We all hold identities that don't necessarily arise naturally at work.⁴ Sometimes that's because it doesn't feel relevant. Other times, it's because it doesn't feel safe to reveal that identity. In all cases, it takes extra forethought to ensure you aren't accidentally excluding someone who holds an invisible identity. There's different strategies you can take to avoid this accidental exclusion; I lean on ensuring individuals have options and can take the path that suits them best.

Be vulnerable in public. One of the clearest ways to demonstrate that it is safe to be vulnerable is to model that vulnerability yourself. There's two ways I recommend being vulnerable as it relates to inclusion; first, recognize mistakes you've made in public and the steps you're taking to address those mistakes; second, honor your own humanity and share when work isn't something you can focus on right now. The first is also a cornerstone of accountability, but the second is pretty unique to building psychological safety and community on your teams. Both send the message that it's okay to be authentically yourself at work.

Do the work. If a member of your team discloses that they hold an invisible identity, honor that trust by ensuring you do your own research to understand what challenges they may be facing. This doesn't mean that you shouldn't talk to your team member about how you can best support them -- but they shouldn't have to do the heavy lifting of educating you about the identity itself, in addition to their own relationship to it. This advice holds just as true for visible identities; make sure you are not adding the burden that underrepresented individuals already shoulder by asking them to educate you.

Make sure the needs of your team are met. Similar to my favorite piece of management advice (shape the role to the person, not the person to the role), supporting an individual often means changing the way you provide that support to the style that works best for that person. These can be small things, like making sure notes are always shared after meetings, or harder asks like escalating that a stakeholder has a pattern of making ableist remarks. As a manager & leader, ensuring that every team member has the support relevant to them ensures individuals are included, and lays the foundation of equitable teams.

If the person has a disability (and you are in the United States), this catered approach is also enforced by law through the Americans with Disabilities Act. If someone discloses to you that they have a disability, you should work with that person and your HR team to set up the accommodations they need to be successful. Not everyone with a disability needs or wants an accommodation, but everyone with a disability has the legal right to accommodations.

If you have a disability and your needs aren't being met by your manager, consider going straight to your HR team. Folks in HR have a lot more experience than the average manager in setting up reasonable accommodations for folks with disabilities, and can ensure that your disability remains confidential. Not every HR team lives up to supporting the members of the team, but if you don't have reason to mistrust your HR team, don't be afraid to reach out.

Ensure your team has community. Though it doesn't always get recognized as a need, having a community at work with folks who share your identity can be incredibly powerful. Advocating for support systems like employee resource groups can make a world of difference for someone who is feeling isolated or overwhelmed. These communities often combine safe private spaces and public advocacy and allyship spaces, allowing for individuals to get support from peers who understand some of their challenges without having to out themselves to the entire organization.

Advocate for yourself. If you also hold an invisible identity, don't be afraid to advocate for yourself. Everything you've set up for your team is just as applicable to your own support, and being present in the spaces for that identity helps demonstrate that holding a particular identity doesn't prevent you from growing as a leader. As your comfort allows, try to be publicly open with your challenges, and advocate for initiatives that help support folks with similar situations.

Looking Forward

It's only been recently that I've publicly embraced my own invisible identities, particularly at work. In many ways, it's freeing; I'm no longer constantly misgendered⁵, and I've been able to use my own privileges as a leader to ensure that I'm able to find support for other folks who are trans or have disabilities (or both). But, there are still situations where I don't feel comfortable bringing my whole self to work, and I know I'm far from the only one. One of my missions as a leader (and now as a founder) is to help create the future where we honor and celebrate the aspects that make us all different -- a future where we all thrive.

Footnotes

1. Which is the week that surrounds international non-binary day (July 14), specifically chosen to be halfway between international men's day and women's day; if you weren't aware, don't feel too bad -- I'm non-binary and also didn't know until today! ↩

2. And even within these steps, there's improvements to be made, such as understanding who on your team is comfortable speaking up in meetings vs preferring to communicate in writing. ↩

3. Here are my reflections on these scenarios, if you're curious. 1) not everyone drinks, and depending on the circumstances, sending alcohol could pose a danger to members of the team. I'd advocate for offering a choice to the team, with a non-alcoholic option available. 2) Schedules can be hard on a lot of individuals, but especially parents and caregivers. Even though the occasion is not very pleasant, the fact that those with other obligations have to make a choice between their careers and their individual responsibilities is an act of exclusion. This one is tough to solve, especially in settings where deadlines are really critical; generally, I'd try to avoid situations where this would happen, but if that wasn't possible, I'd try to arrange an alternate way for folks who couldn't stay late to still support the initiative meaningfully. 3) There's two groups I could imagine excluded here. First, folks who physically wouldn't be capable of participating in the event, and second, folks who ethically wouldn't feel comfortable participating. For the former, I'd try to find a way for folks to still contribute to the organization, e.g. a donation in their name contributed by the company. For the latter, it's a bit more nuanced, especially if the mission of the company also conflicts with their moral code. I'd start by setting expectations that it's an optional event, but could see it develop into a conversation about whether the organization is a good fit for that individual. ↩

4. These identities also aren't always marginalized, either globally or contextually. Someone who is gay may be be afraid to come out in some settings, and very comfortable in others. ↩

5. Just occasionally so 🙃 ↩